Making Sex Better

I imagine all of us, no matter what our level of sexual experience, would like to enjoy much better sex.

For men this probably means things like stopping premature ejaculation, gaining more stamina and being able to endure for longer during intercourse, overcoming problems like lack of sexual drive, overcoming problems like delayed ejaculation, and last but not least, ensuring that one is able to establish an intimate and close relationship with a woman.

For women, improving sex probably means something like being able to overcome inhibitions, ensuring that libido is high, learning how to reach orgasm easily, and generally learning how to be comfortable with her body, no matter what shape or size it may be.

Of course these are not small issues – it can be challenging for anybody to overcome their emotional inhibitions, and there is no area where we are more likely to feel shame than around our sexual activity.

Yet when you think about it, sex is such an essential and normal part of human existence that anything that inhibits it, whether that be a feeling of shame or any other restriction on the expression of who we truly are, is diminishing our human experience.

There are a couple of websites that have come across which I think can be potentially helpful to women who are experiencing difficulty about orgasm or sexuality. The first is all about how to please a woman. You can find some information about truly pleasurable lovemaking here. And if you want to pursue your interest, check out how to obtain the most satisfying sex possible. This explains a lot about the female orgasm, the factors which can affect it, the factors which can inhibit it, the factors which can make it easy.

Some of these are more obscure than you might imagine!

But one of the most obvious course is the sexual position which couple adopt during intercourse. Now I don’t give you the impression that every possible sexual problem that a woman can come across is amenable to easy treatment by watching a video on the Internet!

Here’s what a therapist has to say about sexual dysfunction in women:

There are many problems that can keep a woman from enjoying sex. They include

  • Lack of sexual desire
  • Inability to become aroused
  • Lack of orgasm, or sexual climax
  • Painful intercourse

These problems may have physical or psychological causes. Physical causes may include conditions like diabetes, heart disease, nerve disorders, or hormone problems. Some drugs can also affect desire and function. Psychological causes may include work-related stress and anxiety. They may also include depression or concerns about marriage or relationship problems. For some women, the problem results from past sexual trauma. Occasional problems with sexual function are common. If problems last more than a few months or cause distress for you or your partner, you should see your health care provider.

Of course for men things can be more challenging. There’s an expectation on men that  they will lead during sexual activity, that they will guide the woman in everything she knows to enjoy sex, and that they will take her to orgasm easily and quickly, and confidently – knowing exactly how to give her the greatest pleasure.

Of course,  that isn’t true. For  men, sex can be just as challenging as it is for women – in fact more so, because of the expectation these days that men will lead and take the primary role during sexual activity. Make no mistake about it, the sexual pressures on men are considerable, and they can lead to considerable difficulty, as the following extract shows:

The types of sexual dysfunction men may experience include:

  • Erectile dysfunction (ED). ED can be caused by medical conditions, such as diabetes or high blood pressure, or by anxiety about having sex. Depression, fatigue, and stress can also contribute to erectile dysfunction.
  • Ejaculation problems. These include premature ejaculation (ejaculation that occurs too early during intercourse) and the inability to ejaculate at all. Causes include medications, like some antidepressants, anxiety about sex, a history of sexual trauma (such as a partner being unfaithful), and strict religious beliefs.
  • Low libido. Psychological issues like stress and depression, as well as anxiety about having sex also can lead to a decreased or no sexual desire. Decreased hormone levels (particularly if testosterone is low), physical illnesses, and medication side effects may also diminish libido in men.

Dealing With Sexual Dysfunction

All couples should be able to enjoy a healthy sex life — an important part of a relationship. If you are experiencing sexual dysfunction, bring up your concerns with your doctor. You can often correct your problem by:

  • Getting an accurate diagnosis and the proper treatment of any underlying medical condition
  • Talking to your partner openly about your sexual relationship
  • Avoiding alcohol, smoking, and drug use
  • Managing stress, anxiety, and depression
  • Getting creative and re-energizing your sexual routine

The second website that I recommend is www.howtobeorgasmic.com.  This is a website which hosts a full set of instructions for women who need to understand more clearly how it is possible to overcome anorgasmia, or simply to establish greater sex drive, and enjoy intercourse with orgasm either during foreplay, or during intercourse itself.

Orgasm during intercourse is a contentious issue, of course, with many women believing that it’s impossible, whilst others say that it’s absolutely essential full enjoyment of intimate relationships with partner.

As always,  of course, the truth lies somewhere between these two extremes – it’s perfectly possible for woman to enjoy intercourse simply because of the connection with her man without reaching orgasm. Yet, should she reach orgasm, there’s a level of pleasure and an enjoyment which is much greater and deeper than simply establishing the connection through physical penetration.

In the end, what’s most important is that a couple establishes exactly what parameters of sexual activity they wish to enjoy,  and then go ahead and do that without shame or embarrassment or guilt – or indeed any other negative emotion which has the potential to diminish pleasure and reduce the importance of sex in reinforcing the pair bond between a man and a woman.